So now I've set out my life as it stands at the moment with all the key characters explained, I suppose I should just get on with the business of journaling. I feel apprehensive about it. Maybe because I haven't really got anything of interest to say.
Well, here goes......Last night, I went to my singing group. They meet up most weeks (though I can't always make it regularly) and if we're not rehearsing for one of the twice-yearly shows - a "musical extravaganza" at Christmas and a cabaret in the summer - we get together for workshops or just the chance to sing together as a group.
I've been with them for about six years. I had watched their shows for years before and then I finally took the plunge and decided to join up. I'm so glad I did - I love it and the group seem to like me. They've been very complementary about my voice and my style and audience reaction has also always been very favourable. Singing is such an amazing release and I always feel good afterwards.
They're an OK bunch of people I suppose, though I could write a book about the goings on there. I still feel very much a newcomer as they have been together for decades. Some are married to each other, some are having illicit affairs with each other, some are divorced from each other - all very weird. On the whole though they’re a sociable lot. We usually go off to the pub at the end of the evening and they invite me to their various parties celebrating birthdays and anniversaries so it's all very nice but it is the singing that makes me go as often as I can - I love it.
Last night, we had a workshop run by a top Musical Director who has been involved with West End shows, etc. I was really looking forward to it. Who wouldn't? Getting advice from a professional who has worked with the best ??
It's never good to look forward to something too much though. Right from the start, I got the feeling that he didn't want to be there. He went round the room listening to each person sing their chosen song and then, in his very bored way, he would tell them what worked and what didn't. And then it was my turn.
I had chosen "I Could Have Danced All Night" which had got me a standing ovation at our last show but I had barely started singing when he stopped me and told me to start it again and this time to think about the words. I was a bit surprised but I went back to the beginning and once more, he stopped me after just a few lines and said "I'm really sorry, but I think your voice is very boring." It felt as if he had slapped me across the face - I was so shocked. I think the rest of the group were too as there was an audible gasp. I didn't really know what to do and then he said
"You may as well sing it now but people, there's really no point in coming up here with your music if you can't find any passion inside you to invest in your song." I felt completely deflated then - I just wanted to go home but before I could move, he was playing the intro again so I just sang it. Probably the worst performance I've ever given - EVER! But the group were so sweet - they all clapped very loudly.
He wasn't horrible to anyone else after that and I can't think why he chose to pick on me. But needless to say, I went home full of self-doubt. Why did I ever think I can sing? I feel such a fool !