Friday, 31 December 2010

The End Of Another Year

I had my forecast for 2010 prepared by a celebrity astrologer this time last year and I thought it would be interesting to go back and see what he got right .

He said:
- I would get a pay rise before my birthday in February …..WRONG !
- I may change jobs and even move home ……WRONG !
- Travelling abroad would be a distinct possibility…..WRONG !
- Although I have a good network of friends, I should nurture my friendships more as I could fall out with a few this year…..WRONG, though to be fair I have been pondering the meaning of friendship recently.
- My marriage will continue to be problem-free and we will work well as a couple….. well that was obviously WRONG to start with but things have been good this year
- I need to be careful about my health, as I will be prone to a number of common ailments like flu and stomach problems ….. I laughed that off at the time but it was the one he came closest to as I ended up in hospital in September and quite frankly, I haven’t been right since, so I’ll give him that one !
- My life still has a way to go before things will settle enough for me to start unravelling the knots ……RIGHT ! I have started “unravelling” but it feels as if there’s still such a lot to sort

So I think we conclude that on the whole our astrologer friend was …a bit crap. But that’s OK, he’s a nice guy so let’s just forgive him and move on!

Thinking back over the last year, my therapist has been good and my sessions are now down to once a fortnight on his advice. I do feel much better and that cloud of depression has certainly lifted. I guess the worry is that I’m aware of it still hovering in the distance and I don’t want it to come back. Blogging about what Ewan did helped a lot. I think the problem is that that in the current climate when money is tight, I am constantly anxious that there could be a repeat which of course puts a strain on him as he is constantly trying hard to prove to me that was a one off mistake but I can’t, or won't, forget it. That said, I have felt very warm towards him recently and we’ve been getting on well but somewhere deep down I’m still scared of something and so I know I’m holding back. We started entertaining more again this year and I really believe that has been good for us as it is what we used to do early on in our marriage.

My nephew Daniel got married this year but with a special wedding there is always a funeral. This year there were two – my darling young friend Maria and a newer friend, Anna, who died suddenly. That resulted in me nearly getting back with Matt but fortunately I saw sense and ended it with him once and for all in February. I just feel very embarrassed now about my whole fling with him. What was I thinking?

That feeling of foolishness deepened when I found out later in the year that what I thought was a very special relationship with Chris all those years ago, was really no more than just a notch on his bedpost as I learnt about a string of other women who thought they were “special”. I cringe every time I think about it

Much better not to think about any of that and instead, focus on my lovely children. This year Kyle got 10A*s in his GCSEs - I still can’t get over that - and Sasha has written her own musical which will go on stage early in 2011. I’m so proud of them both.

I found out just this month that I have an uncle, cousin and niece that I knew nothing about. We plan to visit them in the States sometime next year.

And that’s it really. Although I can't let pass that I hit a hundred posts this year. However, the blogging has slowed down considerably and I don’t get the chance to read and comment on my favourites as much as I would like. It’s good in a way as it means I’m now actually living my life again as opposed to just writing about it but doing it less feels like something is constantly missing. Maybe, hopefully, I’ll strike a happier balance in the New Year.

Oh well, just a few hours left. Time to “dance one year in, kiss one goodbye”. Who knows, maybe 2011 will be ….the perfect year ! Here’s hoping.

Happy New Year to you all xx

Thursday, 23 December 2010

How Did This Happen So Quickly?

I can’t believe it will be Christmas the day after tomorrow!

I have spent the last week still writing Christmas cards, buying gifts and food and drink, wrapping presents, preparing nibbles or fancy meals, entertaining and being entertained and I’m loving every last minute of the festive panic.

There’s more of the same over the next week so I don’t think I’ll be back here this year.

Therefore ……

Can I take this opportunity to wish you, my lovely blogging friends, a VERY happy Christmas and a brilliant New Year!

Have a good one! xx

Saturday, 11 December 2010

Spreading Some Festive Cheer

So, a few weeks ago, my blogging pal Rosie Scribble wrote a post saying how she had got a free TV simply by commenting on a fellow blogger’s post who had written about getting a free washing machine.

All these freebies came courtesy of Appliances Online

She invited her readers to comment and I did, congratulating her but I couldn’t bring myself to ask for anything in particular as a) I was a bit sceptical and b) I could hear my mother’s voice from when I was young telling me never to ask for anything but always wait to be offered !!!

I forgot all about it then, until earlier this week when I received a surprise email from a lovely sounding gentleman thanking me for commenting on Rosie’s blog and OFFERING me the choice of some posh choccies or Amazon vouchers in return for just linking to them. And do you know, I’m happy to do that as deep down, I have a bit of a sneaking admiration for the clever route they have taken in their marketing.

So, here’s the link and feel free to leave a comment here saying what you were hoping Santa might bring as you never know, Appliances Online could be reading.

Meanwhile, do I go for chocolates or books or chocolates or DVDs or chocolates……oh, such decisions !!!

Sunday, 5 December 2010

Family Secrets

When my mum was little, her father’s brother was killed in a car accident and because his wife couldn’t cope with life, their son stayed with my mum’s family during the school holidays. My mum and her brother and sister became very close to him and looked on him more as a brother than a cousin.

The last time they were all together was at my parents’ wedding and then almost immediately afterwards, the two boys went to America to make their fortune. Soon after I was born, my mother’s sister who was only 20, developed a brain tumour and only had weeks to live. In that time, she wanted to see both her brothers. The trouble is neither of them had any money and between them they scrimped and saved enough for her real brother to come home but not enough for both of them.

Although my aunt was pleased to see him, she was desperate to see her cousin too and so my grandad took out a loan to buy an air ticket (which was very expensive in those days) to get him back. But, he got home just an hour after my aunt had died and in her last hours she had still been asking for him. He was completely gutted and everyone was grief stricken that such a beautiful young woman had been taken away from them. But my Mum’s grief turned to anger and she gave him a really hard time. She accused him of not caring enough to get a loan of his own, constantly telling him that my Aunt Sadie had been calling his name and that he didn’t have the heart to reciprocate her love, shouted that he wasn’t worthy of her love because he wasn’t even her brother and that from then on he was not dare consider her his sister because she wanted nothing more to do with him.

I only found all this out last week as suddenly, out of the blue, she told me all about him, including how horrible she was to him. Until now, I only knew about my Aunt Sadie, who I never met and my Uncle Charlie who I’ve only seen a few times as he lives in America. And now, I find out I have an Uncle Charles who also lives in the States and who is currently over here on a visit to the UK. He got in touch with my Mum and told her he was coming to see her whether she liked it or not and after all these years of bitterness, she finally relented and agreed to see him.

He came over last night and it was very emotional.

Ewan opened the door to him and welcomed him warmly and I was drawn to him immediately because he looks just like Uncle Charlie. He shouted my name when he saw me and gave me a big huge bear hug and I loved him straight away and then as he let me go, Mum came down the stairs slowly with tears streaming down her face and he ran to her and they hugged and hugged and she was sobbing and saying how sorry she was. This is one strong woman who never apologises but she seemed almost frail in his big arms as she held on to him so that I thought she might never let him go. He hugged Sasha and Kyle and told me he knew all about them as he had seen photos from Uncle Charlie and then we went into the sitting room and caught up with 40 odd years as Mum just sat next to him, holding his hand and looking at him, occasionally stroking his hair.

We had a lovely evening and we talked more over dinner. He told us he had got married the year after my aunt died because he had got a girl pregnant (!) but that they were married for over 25 years until she died suddenly and that he now lives with his daughter who he named Sadie (which made Mum cry even more) who is around the same age as me and married with a daughter. I gave him a lift back to his hotel in Central London and Mum came along too and we met his daughter, my second cousin Sadie and her daughter Naomi.

We’re all going out again tomorrow night. I can’t get over the fact that I have family that I didn’t even know existed and that last night, I met a woman who looks a lot like me with a girl who looks very similar to my Sasha.

I still can't quite believe it all.