Day After

I came into work to a really sweet email today. One of the guys from the singing group, Matt, sent me a message saying he hoped I was OK, as they were all concerned that I had gone straight home after yesterday's events rather than join them for the usual drinks. He went on to say that he thought the "esteemed" MD was in fact "a rude tosser" ! That made me smile. He said he thought I had a beautiful voice and that in fact, none of the others could understand why he should say what he did and that they really hoped I didn't stop coming as a result as it would be a real loss to the group.

I have to say that made me feel a bit better but I still feel pretty embarrassed that Mr MD called my voice boring. BORING!?! I feel like one of those sad losers on The X-Factor who come on proclaiming they are the next Madonna, only to be laughed off by the judges.

Matt's message was lovely but I'm very confused now. It might be best to give it a rest for a while. I said that in my reply but he immediately answered that I mustn't give up singing. He went on to say that he would miss seeing my "beautiful smiling face" if I stopped going. That came as a bit of a surprise I must say - a bit of a weird thing to say.

He's nice, Matt. One of the younger memmbers of the group. He's always very friendly and quite entertaining when we all go off for drinks. He's made me laugh out loud with some of his stories. He's quite good looking - very self assured. We sang a duet in in show a few years ago and I remember really looking forward to our rehearsals together. He's got a young girlfriend, Kelly, who he started to bring along to the group recently. She's beautiful! Long blonde hair, tiny waist, flat bronzed toned stomach (which often seems to be on display!) and legs up to her neck!! She's very quiet though and difficult to engage with. I tried talking to her when she first joined but found her a bit aloof so stopped bothering. Matt's very sweet with her though - always holding her hand and checking she's OK. She's a lucky girl! I almost mourn for the days when Ewan was like that with me.

Anyway, Matt and myself ended up having quite an email exchange today and by the end of play, I was quite excited. He told that he's always liked me and was often disappointed when I didn't turn up for a group event. Maybe I'm reading too much into it but I think he may quite fancy me. Ewan always laughs at me when I say things like that - tells me that I think everyone fancies me which I dont, although I am quite flirtatious and I know that men enjoy my company. Let's see! If he sends me an email tomorrow, I'll know I'm right!

Oh, what am I saying? Maybe my hormones are playing up. The trouble is, I know that I invest a lot of my self esteem in being appreciated/fancied/loved by men. Does that mean I could possibly be turning into one of those sad, middle-aged women who hit on young men? God, I really hope not!