Matt has been very sweet to me recently. I think he may have finally understood that I’m not happy about our relationship but that I don’t have the energy to do anything about it at the moment, and he is doing everything he can to stop me from making that break again, or even thinking about it.
Last week, he told me that he wanted to take me out on a “date”. He said he was tired of being holed up in his flat with me and he wanted the world to see that he was part of my life. I told him that given this was an illicit affair, it was precisely the reason I didn’t want the world to see, and that I preferred the holed up option!
He was having none of it though and said that he had found a singing workshop that he wanted to go to, and that he knew I would love, and that was out of town. So he had booked us on it and after some persuasion, that’s where we went last night.
I have to admit, I had a great time! He picked me up from work and we went off for an early dinner before going to the workshop which was run by a guy who has worked with some big names.
Matt was very attentive throughout the evening – he kept kissing me, holding my hand or putting his arm around me. It really felt as if he was showing me off and I liked that. We had a lovely meal and I was quite happy to listen to him, as usual. He talked about Kelly and how she has been asking for some sort of commitment from him which is putting him in an awkward position as he doesn’t feel ready to give her that but neither does he want to give her up. I pointed out it would be easier for him if I wasn’t on the scene but he said that wasn’t an option. He said he was very fond of her but he didn’t feel about her the way he felt about me. I want to take that with a pinch of salt but I think I believe him.
The workshop was great. It was all about singing with confidence and I feel I have found mine again now after all this time. Oliver, the guy who ran it was fabulous. He had us all singing in different styles. He brought out the rock god in Matt and the operatic diva in me and he told me I had a fantastic voice and that I could definitely sing professionally if I chose to. In fact, he asked us if we would be interested in singing at a Showcase that he is putting on in October for people from "the industry" ! He didn’t ask anyone else in the group so that was a great ego boost. He also assumed that we were husband and wife as he told Matt that he was married to a very special woman. I was about to correct him but Matt jumped in and said he knew.
On the way home, he said he wished he could be my husband. I told him not to say such things but he said it was important I knew how deeply he felt. If I’m honest, I suppose that thrills me in some weird way.
The trouble is, it also makes me feel increasingly uncomfortable.
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