Over the last week, I toyed with the idea of apologising to Matt but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Partly because I don't think my reaction to his weird behaviour that day at the restaurant warrants an apology and partly because I thought this might be a good way to end things without having to have "The Talk".
I'm not good at finishing with men. I don't really know how to do it. I've tried it a few times in life but always ended up feeling bad, then agreeing to go back, and then getting dumped !
So, I thought that just letting the silence continue was the better option. But today, he emailed me.
Are you still pissed off with me? Are we not talking anymore?
I should have ignored it but I answered that of course I was talking to him and then that set off an email exchange which has resulted in me agreeing to spend a whole day with him later this week. We haven't done that before. Not a whole day. We've done snatched hours, and a half a day here and there but he said he wanted to spend time with me where I didn't have one eye on the clock and where I didn't have to rush off after sex but instead could fall asleep in his arms.
I like it when he says these things to me. It weakens my resolve of course but there's something about being pursued, about being made to feel desirable. So, even though I do want this to end, I will spend the day with him. Just one, last day.
Then next week, I'll tell him we're through.....