I've Come To A Decision

I can't stop thinking of Matt.

It's clear that the inevitable is going to happen very soon. It's so ridiculous. I KNOW he's playing me and yet I'm still willing to fall into his trap. He's like a tiger who has been circling me and now with little effort I'm going to let him pounce without even the hint of a struggle.

But when he tells me in his emails and texts that he can't stop thinking about me and that he wants to feel his lips on mine and his hands in my hair again I just think I might as well let him. I asked him today why he's so keen and he told me that he thinks I'm beautiful and flirty and funny and sexy and clever and wise and he wants to be a part of my life. It may all be practised words but I love it !

I bet he said the same things to Karen. I almost despise her for being so pathetic to believe him so readily and yet here I am about to follow the same path that she trod.

In my last email to him today I told him I would see him again if that's what he wants - it's up to him now to name the day if he's really interested.

I can see myself on the edge of a cliff and I've made the decision to jump. I'll float for a while but that freefall will come pretty quick followed at some point by the crash to the ground. How badly hurt I'll be remains to be seen but for now, I'm going to imagine that it will be just fine.