Tuesday 13 July 2010

This Could Be It

Apologies in advance for being morbid but I felt I had to get this one down. You see, over the last couple of days I have had a strong feeling that ….. I am going to die.

It’s not fear or panic or anxiety – not even the depression that has plagued me for the last year or so. This is just a simple belief that has suddenly come about that I only have a few days left.

It’s so bizarre. I go to sleep actually wondering if I will wake up. I’ve even left a note in my bedroom drawer listing bank details and where everything is in case anything does happen.

I’m sure it will pass but it has never happened to me before. Obviously I haven’t said anything to anyone but I may have to share this one with the therapist later in the week - it will only serve to further his opinion that I really am a total fruitcake!

Anyway, just thought I'd mention it. If there are no further posts from me, you’ll know I was right !!

18 comments:

  1. Hope you're totally wrong! Do tell your counsellor - I'm sure you'll find this is a very common anxiety. And one that never comes true. ;-)

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  2. Don't let it come true. Maybe use it as tool and write about it. The feeling of dread might subside that way.

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  3. Interesting what you say in your "About Me" about now wanting to break free. Could it be that what you're experiencing is a manifestation of that wish. The death of your old life.

    This could be the beginning of a resolution of conflicts you may be experiencing in the last year or so which has resulted in bouts of depression.

    I think it's striking that this is not a panic attack - but something rational. Which is why I wonder if you're in the process of working through conflicting feelings.

    I loved the last line of your blog. Humour is great medicine.

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  4. intriguing...i do hope it is not true...but if so, i will write the screen play for the movie...smiles.

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  5. so, those details are in your top drawer, right? :-)

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  6. Are you still alive?

    I'll check back in a day or two.

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  7. Of course it will happen -- someday. Hell, sweetie, I think I have such thoughts virtually every night. I mean, you just never know. But I agree that I think, after all the work you've done, that's you're moving into a new era and it's time for the old Selina to die.

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  8. Hope it does not come true! Have you left the 'keys' to your blog with anyone, so they could let us know??
    Only joking, but I seriously hope it passes & you are ok.

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  9. ok no post but i got a comment so...smiles.

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  10. I second what Barry Coidan said, and I add this:

    http://hubpages.com/hub/Ramana-Maharshi

    Death is worth thinking about, seeing as it will happen. The trouble is, we don't really know what it is - we just have an idea about it, and no one's idea is quite the same as the next person's.

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  11. I'm look forward to the next post!

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  12. I can understand this feeling (especially when flying), but so hope that it passes for you and that you discuss it with the therapist.

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  13. Are you dead yet? Obviously it would be preferable if you weren't but I am curious.

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  14. No Selina, nooooooooo!! You can't leave us!!

    It's all just anxiety, I'm sure. I mean, you should see some of the dreams I've had...

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  15. This is really weird! I've done that before! I think I'm going to die, so I leave notes! :(

    I erase all the interesting-ahem-embarrassing websites saved on my favorites folder, in case someone decides to go through my computer after I'm dead.

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  16. On our drive back to France a few days ago I convinced myself that we were going to have a bad accident and never get home. Obviously we did but it still was terrifyingly real.

    You can't go soon anyway - you've got to wait for my relocation story

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