Tuesday, 1 December 2009

Writing Back

Dear Selina,

This will come as a complete surprise but I just wanted to drop you a line to help you on a little even though I know you will read this and think you don't need to hear any of it. Believe me, I know you will think that!

You had a good time at your parents' 25th, didn't you? Catching up with family and friends and enjoying being told you looked gorgeous and loving having Lee by your side....

Work is going well too. It's a great company isn't it and you're getting into your stride. I know you're really caught up with the whole celebrity thing just now but you are a natural PR animal and all your managers think you're a great thing. You have a a great future there and are set to rise through the ranks so take heart in that and don't beat yourself up too much when things go wrong, which they will from time to time. You will screw up a pretty major account but honestly don't waste too many tears. Put it down to experience, learn from it and move on.

I feel there are so many things I need to tell you not to do or even to warn you about to prepare you for the future but you look so happy, and actually Dr Who (the David Tenant one who is the best ever, even though I know you can't imagine that anyone could top Tom Baker) says we're not supposed to do anything to change history.

So all I will tell you is that you have the capacity to remain blissfully happy through to your mid-forties but you just need to be calm and rational and not let yourself be brought down by the things that happen in your life. I know that on good days, you can be the life and soul but already on those bad days that have started to creep in, you can let your worries about what people think of you throw you into a pit of despondancy. You are a fabulous girl, full of fun and loved by everyone around you but you need to not be so hard on yourself.

I know how much you love Lee but you need to take back a bit of control. It's great at the moment. He adores you and makes you feel like a princess and has done since he first started to pursue you, even when you weren't sure whether it was a good idea to get involved with someone so absolutely gorgeous and sure of himself. You thought then that someone like that could only hurt you but over the last year that hasn't been the case and he's the one who keeps telling you that you are everything he could wish for and more. He's the one who fell head over heels in love with you first and now you have followed suit and life is great. All I'm asking you to do is not let him be so responsible for your happiness. Imagine if he suddenly cooled off a bit. I know it seems so unlikely now but if he did, you would be able to handle it if you keep strong and build up enough self-worth to know that his failings are HIS fault and not yours. That way too, if it were to end, you could eventually dry your tears and be ready for whoever else might come along and be worthy of your love. A love that you would then offer again freely and without fear that he too might take it and carelessly throw it away.
This probably makes no sense. Just stay strong Selina and don't allow yourself into a place where you can be easily broken and from where it might take you a long time to recover. No man is worth that, honestly.

I don't want you to be upset by Mum either. She says a lot of things but the easiest way to handle it is to just let her say what she thinks and don't argue with her. You won't change her so just let her get on with it and don't allow yourself to be affected what she says and does. If you watch Dad, that's exactly what he does. He has nothing to prove to her and neither do you.
Talking of Dad, do spend as much time with him as you can. Watch the way he listens to you when you are relating one of your very long anecdotes. I know if feels as if he'll always be around but just imagine if he wasn't or if he suddenly fell ill. Tell him everything you want him to hear. He's so proud of you and you are his absolute life and his total joy. Please don't leave it too late before you fully understand that.

There are so many other things to tell you but time is limited: don't let yourself put on too much weight because it really is a bugger to get off; when you get married take your vows very seriously, especially about being faithful even though your head is so easily turned by good-looking men and cheap, easy compliments; stop trying to please everyone around you all the time just so you'll be liked; look at yourself in the mirror and be proud of what you see - you look amazing so don't allow yourself to be plagued by self-doubt... I could go on and on.

The key thing is not to have regrets in your life. If there is something you want to do then do it, but think of the consequences. Don't let others talk you out of doing anything but do think twice about any decision you make.

And remember, if you love yourself you will be able to love everyone around you, which in turn will make you happy and content and fulfilled.


  1. What a beautifully written letter. Do you think 'Dear Selina' will listen? And more importantly, believe everything you've told her? I do hope so...

  2. That last paragraph sums it all up nicely. That's poetry, that is.

  3. I was going to say exactly the same as the last two comments. The last line is definitely the most important - the part about loving yourself. Once we can do that, life becomes so much easier and we don't take the knocks as hard. Takes time though.

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  5. This is one marvelous post Selina. A few minor changes (places and names) and please mail it to my adress.

  6. Great letter, I'm not sure I could write to myself with such clarity! Well done, m'dear.

  7. You're still a fabulous girl full of love...Just Sayin'

  8. Ahh that's beautiful i've got a tear in my eye, hindsight is a wonderful thing but i think the knocks make us better people in the long run. Nice last line, so true x

  9. There really are some things we wish we could change, aren't there? Whatever Doctor Who says. Sadly, "I told you so" just doesn't have the same please when you're talking to yourself (and don't I know it!)