I love Autumn.
I know I've said in the past that Spring is my favourite season, but October is such a wonderful time of the year. Crisp days with the leaves on the trees turning various shades of flaming red and brown. It's such a treat walking through the park on days like this and yesterday morning, I decided to take the long way into work so that I could do just that.
It was such a beautiful morning and I loved the sound of leaves crunching underfoot. I was, without even realising it, very content.
Which is why, when a text from Matt came through asking if I was free because he wanted to tell me something, I decided not to ignore him but told him to call me. He rang immediately and I sat on a bench to listen to what I knew would be some elaborate attempt to get me to meet up with him.
It was a good line. He wanted me to hear from him that Kelly was going to be moving into his flat next month. I don't know what he thought I would do - burst into tears, fly into a hysterical rage, beg him not to let that happen ....??? Whatever, he seemed surprised when I simply said "that's nice".
"Are you OK with that?" he asked.
I almost wanted to laugh and asked in return why I wouldn't be and he said he didn't know!
I told him it would be good for him and that taking a step towards some sort of commitment would make him a better person. He then said that he was only doing it because she was making his life hell at the moment and kept crying and accusing him of seeing someone else so he felt the only answer was to to say "move in". He has since regretted it though as she is now very excited and he feels "trapped". I feel very sorry for her.
We talked a bit more, or at least he did, and after a few minutes he asked if we ....... could meet up. I said no, simply and politely and then said I had to go. But after I put my phone back in my bag, I sat in the park for a while and suddenly, felt inexplicably sad.
That's how I've felt since - and I can't seem to snap out of it.
Dinners This Week
2 days ago
It's ok to feel sad. It's normal and healthy and part of the grieving process. Ride it through. It will pass and fade and leave you feeling cleaner. I've a feeling it will be a long time before Matt experiences that clean feeling.
ReplyDeleteSelina, my dear, you did the right thing. Personally (my bias only) I think Matt is a jerk in the way he treats women. I agree with Steve that it will be a long time before he experiences that clean feeling. But you are well on your way.
ReplyDeleteI feel sorry for Kelly too, she's getting a bit of a jerk. What a shame the phone call spoiled your wonderful, contented walk in the park.
ReplyDeleteI hate to agree with Mr. write on and Steve...Being sad is ok. and Matt's a jerkface.
ReplyDeleteAs usual, Aunty Steve is bang on!
ReplyDeleteI have 2 quotes for you "The old woman I shall become will be quite different from the woman I am now. Another I is beginning." (Georg Sand)
And, 'Courage is the price that Life exacts for granting peace." (Amelia Earhart).
My advice for what it's worth, put your energy into your "lot". Hugs, xx
It's grief. Even when the dreams we know we need to let go of die, it's still a little death. But without the grief, there wouldn't be a finish.
ReplyDeleteSounds like your done with this particular phase.
Next? (As Alex Harvey put it)
Award for you at mine lovely lady x
ReplyDeleteWell done for having the strength to say what you did. He came into your life for a reason, and you need to work out what this reason is. When you do all will be clear and you can move on in peace.
ReplyDeleteWith love and luck.
PX