Monday, 19 January 2009

It's Over

So, it's been a whole weekend since I decided to get back in control and it has been a difficult one because there was no word from him. This time though, I chose not to contact him either, even though every fibre of my being wanted to pick up the phone.

On Friday evening, it was the singing group AGM. I nearly didn't go but then decided at the last minute that I would and as a result got there late when everyone was in and seated and so I had to make an entrance, which I could have done without. I clocked Matt in the front row with Kelly but I didn't look in his direction. I just made my way to the back of the hall and found a seat.

I hate those meetings. It went on forever and it takes the joy out of what is essentially a group that get together to sing because that's what we like to do. All this politic stuff about fees and setting a charter and opening it up a bit more or not by advertising more widely - god, it's dull.

Although I tried to stop myself, I kept realising that I was looking at Matt's back and watching him bend his head to Kelly as she kept whispering and giggling in his ear. As soon as the meeting was declared closed, I was out of there like a shot telling them all that I had to rush back. Didn't say a word to Matt - just left as as quickly as I could.

This morning, when I came into work there was an email from him. Was I OK? How come I hadn't been in touch for so long? How come I left the meeting so quckly? I ignored it but he sent another one half an hour later asking again if I was OK, which I replied to with a short I'm fine. Busy.

He asked yet again if I was OK and so then I told him that I wasn't. That I was tired and stressed and that I didn't really want to do this anymore. I didn't hear from him then until just now when he sent an email saying that he never wanted to stress me out and that if I felt like that maybe we should quit while we're ahead and just remember the fun times. I replied with a simple xx

So that's it. We're over. It came out of the blue when I wasn't really expecting it but it's good. It needed to end. At least this way, no one found out. No one got hurt. I can rise above this now it's over.

Oh who am I fooling? I feel terrible. I'm going home

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