Sasha and Kyle - The Children

I've already said I'm incredibly proud of them but I wonder.... I really wonder if I have been a good enough mother to them.

I am incredibly strict and expect them to behave in a certain way which they have done. Maybe I have inhibited them as a result. They seem fairly normal but who knows what they really go through.

Sometimes Sasha's eyes look very puffy and I don't know anything about why and I can tell she's not inclined to share the burdens in her life but we have the same sense of humour and many times when we talk we end up laughing and laughing until we cry. She is so sensible and I hope we end up as good friends as she is so wise and it will be her telling me what to do for the best very soon.

As for my son, I love him so much. He will always be my child though. I can't imagine him advising me on anything although he is incredibly intelligent and so I guess he will but I can't see a day when I won't be looking out for him.

How did I create such gorgeous children and why do I hold back from loving them completely? That is what makes me abnormal. That makes me a freak. A mother is supposed to love her children totally, beyond life itself. And yet, I don't know if I do. I can't imagine a world without them and I have such strong emotions for them but I think something isn't there.

I shout a lot at them - sometimes it's for no real reason. I think I yell because deep down, my life feels like it's in a mess and I have no control.

I hate myself I think - that's the real problem. If that's the case, how can I love anyone else...or expect them to love me

Ewan - The Husband

Ours was a bit of a whirlwind romance. I'd had a few dates since splitting up with Lee but nothing that changed my opinion that all men were just out for themselves. And then, I went to my friend's 25th birthday party and met Ewan, one of her colleagues.

I noticed him looking over at me almost as soon as I arrived and he wasn't unattractive - tall and broad.....looked like a rugby player! I tried to ignore him but everytime I glanced over, he was looking and smiling. Something drew me to him so after a few drinks I went over to him and we hit it off straight away. He had a kind face with lovely brown eyes and a boyish smile and he just seemed different to anyone else I had met. This was no Jack-the-lad but a really warm man who seemed genuinely interested in everything I had to say. He wasn't setting out to impress but I could still tell he liked me.

We arranged to meet the next day and then saw each other all the time over the next week - it was just so easy being with him. By the Friday, he told me he loved me but even though I was having the time of my life and loving all the attention and affection, I stayed cool. I refused to let myself be swept off my feet, even though it would have been the easiest thing in the world. By the following Friday, he asked me to marry him and because I knew I wouldn't find another man like him; no one who would love me so sincerely; no one who wanted to make me happy like he did; no one who kissed me so tenderly but with real passion and desire. Because of all of that, I said yes and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to do. By then he was pretty much my best friend (after just two weeks!) and it didn't matter that I wasn't allowing myself to fall in love with him - I knew I wanted to be his wife and I vowed to be a good one, to never let him regret marrying me even though I couldn't say the words "I love you".

We had a huge wedding just six months later - big church, big dress, big cake - the works. It was a great day and his speech was so beautiful and full of love. I couldn't quite believe I was with a man who was so happy to have found me.

For the first few years, he was very attentive and so proud of me. All my friends loved him to bits and thought I was the luckiest woman in the world. And I did my part too. We bought an old run-down house and together we renovated it and brought it back to its former glory. And then we spent all our time entertaining - inviting others to share our happy life.

After two years, we thought the time was right for children and I got pregnant straight away but at four months I had a miscarriage. I felt such a failure and I guess that's when things changed a bit. He was still attentive but he was keen to get on with the business of starting a family and he couldn't understand why I was scared to get pregnant again, especially as the doctor had reassured us that it wasn't likely to happen again.

The next two years were difficult but eventually I caved in and Sasha arrived followed almost immediately by Kyle the following year. Things were different then. We were both completely besotted with our children and everything we did revolved around them. His affection for me diminished noticeably as he lavished it on both of them. I compensated by giving them all my time too. We settled into a comfortable family routine together - what some people may call a rut - and the years went by.

He did well at work getting regular promotions but it meant he stayed at the office longer. And then we hit a really rough patch when he started drinking too much because of the stress. I kind of lost him then, I think, even though we got through it. His love for the children made him realise the error of his ways and he got back on track but I felt responsible for that wobble. Maybe I should have been more supportive, looked after him more. He told me often during that period that he was tired of trying to break down my walls and though I told him not to be stupid, I knew full well what he meant.

We've got by since then. Living together, looking out for each other - to the outside world it looks good and actually, I suppose it is. Can any marriage hope for more after nearly twenty years?

The thing is, although we are still together, he is, in a sense, only on the sidelines of my life. We share a bed and eat meals together and talk about stuff but what I've realised recently is that he is excluded from my innermost thoughts. Even so, although I know don't need him in my life, I don't want to be without him. In fact, I can barely remember life without him.

Is that love?

Selina - Who Is She?

Forty four years on this planet and what have I achieved?

Well I have two gorgeous teenagers - my daughter Sasha who is sixteen and beautiful, and my son Kyle who is fifteen and a heart-breaker. They're good kids and I'm proud of them. She goes to a drama school and is a fantastically talented actress and musician and he is very academic and goes to a grammar school in the next town were he beat thousands to a place there. I am in awe of both of them and their talents but I'm a pretty strict mum and can't abide bad behaviour. I do lavish praise on them though - I do.

I work in PR - always have done. Been with the same company forever and worked my way up to a pretty good position there. It sounds like a glamorous life as I organise big events, news conferences, film premieres and celebrity publicity. The job involves a lot of travel and shmoozing and I'm good at it but I have to admit that as much fun as that sounds, I'm bored of it. I don't know what else to do though so I just carry on in the hope that something better will come along ...but I guess it won't if I don't look for it!

I've been in love just once in my life and not with my lovely husband Ewan. I do adore him though and would be very alone without him in my life. We've been married for nearly twenty years and he's very easy-going and puts up with me. We have our ups and downs but he is basically a good man, which is all any woman can ask for.

It was the relationship I had before I met him that nearly finished me off. The one where I fell totally head over heels in love. I spent two years with Lee and when that ended suddenly, I really thought there was no point in carrying on. The rejection was so painful and even now, I would rather cut off my right arm slowly then watch my daughter go through that inevitable heartache. It happens to us all though and maybe it's an important part of our journey through life, who knows.

I've watched friends go through the same thing and have marvelled at how they have picked themselves up and then allow themselves to fall the next time. I didn't do that. I vowed that no one would make me feel so unhappy again - that I would never allow myself to let a man make me lose control, ever. And with Ewan, I haven't. I love sharing my life with him but if he were to walk out tomorrow, I would be able to carry on. Sure it wouldn't be easy but I wouldn't be broken like I was all those years ago. Mind you, I have come close to feeling like that because although I have been a good wife, I haven't been a faithful one ....but more of that another time, maybe.

What else? Oh who knows? My time is spent working and looking after the family, including my mother Mimi who came to live with us after my dearest, darling dad died ten years ago. I still miss him desperately - the only person I ever really spoke to and even when I kept quiet, he understood. No brothers and sisters so Mum came to live with us. We get on fine but only because I don't allow myself to get riled by her very extreme views on life and because I gave over the running of my house to her and because I allow her to shout at me for no other reason than it seems to give meaning to her life.

I don't do much else, except singing! That's my passion. I would have pursued it as a career. either as a performer or a teacher, but my mother frowned upon the idea. That's why I was so keen to encourage and support my daughter when she started to display her clear talents. For me now, it's just something I do in what spare time I have. But if I'm honest, it's the only time I ever really feel alive.