Tuesday, 11 May 2010

Second Thoughts

Maybe I was a bit harsh before.

As ever, I spoke to the therapist about how I was feeling and he told me that I am NOT a man hater. That I only had to look back at my history with men to know that. He suggested that actually, I adore men! That I enjoy their company and revel in the attention they lavish on me which is, rightly or wrongly, what validates my existence.

He said that perhaps with the exception of Ewan's mistake, none of the men in my life had actually treated me "badly". They just didn't treat me the way I wanted and were just flawed, as so many men (and yes, women too) tend to be when it comes to being honest in relationships.

He said any emotional damage I suffered came because I allowed it. I didn't take steps at the time to notice the danger signs and even if I was aware of them, I didn't do anything about it. So when the inevitable happened, it was easier to blame all men for being weak and dishonest and claim to hate them all rather than to look at the reasons that past relationships have ended the way they have.

Quite brutal ! But the therapist is very good at covering that iron fist with a velvet glove so that it doesn't hurt when he delivers the blow. It only begins to ache once I have left and start to mull over what he has said. I've been thinking about it a lot and even though it pains me, of course he's right.

Just knowing that makes me feel much better


  1. Your therapist is quite right - and it is something we are all guilty of at one time or another... allowing bad sitations to continue rather than just saying no (or even better, no thanks).

  2. I find that it really is important to keep yourself safe and secure. Otherwise you can't possibly take care of others truly effectively. Letting people harm you will ruin you, so I hope you can now begin to stand up for yourself!

  3. sounds like you have a pretty good therapist. now so armed with this knowledge, what do you do?

  4. I've had many of the same issues with women in my life's story. But, I still adore them as you do men.

  5. he blames you..
    As I always say,
    we must be strong,
    make wise choices...
    Best wishes!
    thank you for the encouraging words.
    Happy Sunday!

  6. Don't know what to add but didn't want to read and disappear without a word.

    Hang in there.

  7. Man-hating is not a charming quality in any woman, just as misogyny is rather unflattering for males.

    At least you can concede that not all men are bad, and, what's more, that not all the men you've been with are bad. Many women never reach that level of maturity, and will preach the iniquity, stupidity, and brutishness of all men to the ends of the Earth while simultaneously blathering on about how sexism is wrong.

    A charming combination.