Tuesday, 10 November 2009

To Anon et al

Thank you all for the comments to my last post. They have made me think… a lot and, helped me to what could be a life changing decision!

Steve, as ever, so full of wisdom, made me seriously consider getting a counsellor. It’s something I have thought a lot about in the past, but as Maternal Tales made me realise, I have always rejected the idea because I thought of it as a sign of defeat. And now, suddenly, I realise that it’s not. I am depressed. There’s no point denying it, or trying to pretend that I’m not. I am. And so I need to take some positive action.

And yesterday, I did just that. I was speaking to one of the senior partners at work and we started talking about the whole counselling thing and he told me that he had a therapist which completely surprised me as he seems one of the most together people I know. Anyway, he gave me the number and rather than hide it away or put it off, I rang the guy straight away. I’m quite proud of myself about that! He sounds very nice and…… I am going to see him on Thursday! And stupidly, I feel better already.

So that, I think, is a result. But it was really Anonymous’ comment that prompted me to write today. It really got to me. I don’t know whether s/he is a follower that I know and maybe also follow, or someone brand new to me, who has decided to say what s/he really thinks. But do you know, I really appreciate it. Although it doesn’t make easy reading, a lot of it is actually very accurate. I do crave attention and the cheating thing is, of course, about self-gratification. As I’ve said before, I’m constantly amazed that readers never judge me or call me names that I think I deserve.

I am surprised though that Anonymous says I like myself too much. I always thought half my problem was that I don’t like myself enough so I really need to give that some thought and maybe work through it with the counsellor. Also, it may be true that I’m not in love with my husband but that doesn’t mean I don’t love him. I do. Come to think of it, I love my mother too, for all her difficult ways. I may not like her much at times but I do love her. It doesn’t matter though - I’m touched and impressed that Anonymous has bothered to read the entire blog and taken the time to comment.

I guess devoting a whole post on my reaction to Anon’s comments means I am a bit too keen to justify myself, though that wasn’t really the point. In fact, I was actually thinking it might be a fitting way to finish this blog. To say thank you and goodbye, especially as I’ve now made the decision to be therapised !!! It seemed a fitting end.

However, reading again the lovely comments from all, including the wonderful Wife of Bold, the fabulous and funny Sagittarian, gorgeous George (all of whom I love reading and thus respect) and whatsmore advice from a new reader – Love Writing Again - I realise, I don’t want to stop! As Maternal and Love Writing say, my blog is my space to do what I want with and it doesn’t really matter if people don’t like it. I need it to be able to record my life the way it is and use it to see the patterns that emerge and also to learn from any feedback (positive and negative) that my followers kindly give me.

So, I’m not going anywhere!

Steve says I shouldn’t apologise for what I write and so I won’t. My attitude should be take it or leave it, and I think I’m slowly getting there.

.......…Mind you, there’s still a bit of me saying “Oh go on, please like me a little bit!”


  1. it is really nice that u r back......keep writing.....

  2. Salina, Let me say that I am so please that you have made an apt. with a therapist. If you stick with it and be truthful to the therapist and yourself, it will be the single most important thing you EVER do for YOURSELF. It won't be a quick fix. The sessions will make you cry in the beginning, but with each time you go, you will feel a tiny bit better. You'll need to go for awhile and go until you know, in your new mentally healthy mind that you are ready to enter the world with a healthy perspective. It will be such a wonderful feeling.

    As for your husband. I agree you probably love him. I think if you were In Love with him, you wouldn't be out looking for love, acceptance, and someone to shower you with lovely words of endearment. But, with therapy, you will understand why you cheat on your husband and in reality, your children. Because of your present actions, you are so busy arranging times to be with the other man, you take time away from your children...and they aren't stupid. Never underestimate the knowledge of children. I think you probably are a lovely, funny and smart young lady. But you are doing yourself and your husband and children harm. Mostly you. It is fun to have a man wanting you and waiting for you, and the act of hiding away and meeting him is all part of the "fun" you are having. But lets face it. You are a married woman. A woman in depression, wanting someone to love her and give her the attention and feelings that you get when two people who are married give to each other. Love is not supposed to HURT. Love is something we give freely, it makes us smile and dance and be giddy. You need to feel all those feelings with your mate not some man, who you picked up at a seminar or meeting or coffee house. Perhaps you did marry him to quickly and perhaps he really isn't the husband for you. Only time will tell. Embrace therapy. Do what he recommends and Salina, I promise you, you won't ever regret going. Good Luck to you - I wish you nothing but the best.

  3. P.S. I am SO GLAD you decided not to stop writing. After all, it is your writings that may be the beginning of a new life for you. It is theraputic in itself and is a very good and positive thing!!

  4. I think you'll find that your regular readers like you more than a little bit and this one is certainly glad that you're not going to throw in the blogging towel! Counselling is never a sign of defeat - it's hard work, difficult work and you need to be brave to undertake it. It's a sign of strength and a sign of someone wanting to sort things out inside themselves... good luck with it. You won't regret it!

  5. No, please don't go anywhere. I am much too fond of you and your wisdom. As for the counseling, that is an excellent idea. I don't just say that as a counselor, but also because I have been helped immeasurably by counselors I have seen.

  6. "If you leave me, can I come too..." had that song buzzing in my head until I got to the bit on your post where you announced you're staying! Hooray, and it sounds like there will be another adventure for us all to tag along on with you. I'll bring the drinks...

  7. I would, of course, echo "all of the above" (mostly). One thing I'd add would be to be aware that counselling is a relationship and that the two of you may not get on. So don't be afraid to follow and your instincts and walk (though whilst being sensitive to the fact that feeling uncomfortable about the process is quite possibly a good thing and not the same as feeling uncomfortable about the person). Of course, with anyone any good, this is very unlikely to happen!

    I've been in a counselling process twice. The first time simply didn't work and the counsellor called it a day before I did. The second time, shortly afterwards, went on for a year and was immensely transformative.

  8. Hello darling - so sorry it's taken such a long time for me to pop by - but I'm so so pleased that you've taken everyone's advice and are starting to go to therapy - have now read these posts backwards so I know you've been. Give it a chance. It may not be easy, but it really should be helpful. Hugs - and lots of them xxxx